Morgan's Surgery

I am very grateful for my life. I have not made the best decisions & seem to do things the hard way. But, even through all my mistakes, I have been blessed with amazing family & friends. I am so thankful for you all.

Isaac & I have been blessed with a love that has carried us through many storms. We have 2 beautiful children, with a 3rd on it's way.

Next month, March 5th, Morgan will have a Varus Osteotomy. Two weeks from this Thursday.

The surgery will take 4 hours. They will make 6 inch incisions, at the hip, on both of her legs, break the femur right below the hip socket, & put in "L" shaped brackets & screws. This will position her legs so they will hopefully stay in the hip socket. At this point they will also release some tension in her muscles, ligaments & tendons. They will put her in a cast from her chest to her foot on the left side & to her knee on the right. She will be in this cast for 1 month. They will also cut the tendons in her left foot at this time because it is turning in.

We have been told that this surgery is the only option for fixing her dislocated hips. So I have been checking around to find out if that is truly the case. I have spoken to Morgan's orthopedist 4 times & his nurse, her pediatrician, her 2 main physical therapists, her Rehab doctor, & her wheelchair specialist. This is her only option in order to get her standing again, hopefully walking in her walker again...but more than that, to not be in pain & not lose more mobility.

They tell us this surgery is our choice, but what choice do we really have? Our child in pain & not mobile at all is not a choice. And then I asked him "How do you decide? Or who would decide to not let their child have this surgery?" Our doctor responded, "The children that are too frail to make it through the surgery are usually the only ones whose parents choose to not go through with it". Well, that is not our Morgan Mae. She is a fighter & always has been. She will be in pain, but hopefully alot less after she heals than when we started.

Morgan Mae will be in the hospital for 4-5 days following. During those 5 days, she will have a line feeding her constant pain meds. Her orthopedist says she will feel like she's been hit by a truck for the 1st 2 months. Umm, how in the world are we going to get her home in our car with her in a somewhat reclined position in a body cast & with her feeling like she's been hit by a truck?!

My Mom is coming out from Maryland to be with us & help with Noah. Noah loves his Mimi & it will be fun for them to spend some time together. Noah LOVES his big sister. This will be hard on him too. The last big surgery in April of 2007, I was still pregnant with him. He was easier to take places in the hospital:). Noah looks for Morgan when he wakes up in the morning & when he gets up from his nap. "Morg--mee. Wher r ouu?" Then when I tell him she's at school, he's says "Oooo. Kool." He is so excited when he sees any bus. "Morg--mee!!" And when she's home & he finds her, he gets this super excited tone, "Morg--mee, HHIII!" And runs over & gives her a hug. He is a great helper too. Getting toys for her & taking snacks to her.(Well, most of the time:)) So thank you Grammy or Mimi for all your upcoming help.

And back to Morgan. I have one more doctor to hear from again, well, her Rehab doctor, who is also a part of a spasticity team up at Primary Children's, who will give me the update on what that team thinks. I asked them to look at her x-rays & tell us if this surgery is truly the only solution for our sweet girl. It would be an absolute miracle if they came up with something else.

Please keep our sweet Morgan Mae in your prayers. Those that can join in a fast for her, please join us on March 1st.

We thank you for your prayers & love for our sweet Mo & our family at this time & always. We love you all.

Many families have asked how do we do it. How can you even say it outloud. She is our child. Our sweet angel. If she was yours, you would do the same. She needs us. We want to keep her here as long as we can. And we want her to be happy & healthy. Morgan is our rock. She has always brought so much joy to our lives & all those around her. She has taught us what is truly important in life. We could never do as much for her as she has done for us.

Emotions

Sometimes I wonder why life is so hard. I know it is to appreciate the good times, as my sweet friend said, "all glitter & roses", but seriously. I also need to realize that it's okay to be mad & cry sometimes. I need to let my emotions out.

Morgan has such a sweet, special spirit. She's amazing. She has always been that way. So happy & loving & reads people by their souls, not their appearance. Why do I get frustrated with her? Why is her experience here on this earth so hard? Well, to us it's hard. She doesn't know the difference. Morgan is almost always happy & smiling, saying "hi", wanting kisses & hugs, & talking about butterflies. She touches so many lives & so many people know & love her.

Morgan has had 12 surgeries in her lifetime...with more to come. The last major surgery was open heart April 2007. She did marvelous & was home in 2 and 1/2 days. Now today, we met with her new orthopedist. He was not the bearer of good news, but a sweet man nonetheless. I go in to talk about her left leg & he examines her & tells me his biggest concern is her right hip. What?! Not expecting that one. Her hips are becoming dislocated from her spastic muscles & a major surgery is our only solution to fixing them. He wants to do it sometime in the next year. We could also wait it out & see how much it limits her mobility & how painful it becomes...but the older she gets, the less they can do. We've tried botox injections but that has not been enough. We will get more opinions for what is best for her, but it doesn't look like it will be avoided.

Why? Why does a sweet little one have to go through so much here on this earth? I'm venting, so bear with me. I don't usually vent publicly, but I am needing some help. Some comfort. I try to be as strong as I can, but sometimes I'm just so mad. I want to cry. I want someone to comfort me. I know that I need to reach out to God more, but I want to be mad at Him too. Also, being sick for the last 2+ months doesn't make me any stronger emotionally either.

I love my children. They bring me so much joy. They also try my patience at times. And as any Momma would, I would bare their pain or struggle in an instant so they would not have to face it. Morgan is here to teach all of us. She has taught me so much about patience, the power of prayers, humility & unconditional love. She is the sweetest & strongest little girl I know. I just wish (well, I'm sure we all wish) her little body didn't have to go through so much.

Now that I've said all that, maybe I can get some sleep.