Sometimes I wonder why life is so hard. I know it is to appreciate the good times, as my sweet friend said, "all glitter & roses", but seriously. I also need to realize that it's okay to be mad & cry sometimes. I need to let my emotions out.
Morgan has such a sweet, special spirit. She's amazing. She has always been that way. So happy & loving & reads people by their souls, not their appearance. Why do I get frustrated with her? Why is her experience here on this earth so hard? Well, to us it's hard. She doesn't know the difference. Morgan is almost always happy & smiling, saying "hi", wanting kisses & hugs, & talking about butterflies. She touches so many lives & so many people know & love her.
Morgan has had 12 surgeries in her lifetime...with more to come. The last major surgery was open heart April 2007. She did marvelous & was home in 2 and 1/2 days. Now today, we met with her new orthopedist. He was not the bearer of good news, but a sweet man nonetheless. I go in to talk about her left leg & he examines her & tells me his biggest concern is her right hip. What?! Not expecting that one. Her hips are becoming dislocated from her spastic muscles & a major surgery is our only solution to fixing them. He wants to do it sometime in the next year. We could also wait it out & see how much it limits her mobility & how painful it becomes...but the older she gets, the less they can do. We've tried botox injections but that has not been enough. We will get more opinions for what is best for her, but it doesn't look like it will be avoided.
Why? Why does a sweet little one have to go through so much here on this earth? I'm venting, so bear with me. I don't usually vent publicly, but I am needing some help. Some comfort. I try to be as strong as I can, but sometimes I'm just so mad. I want to cry. I want someone to comfort me. I know that I need to reach out to God more, but I want to be mad at Him too. Also, being sick for the last 2+ months doesn't make me any stronger emotionally either.
I love my children. They bring me so much joy. They also try my patience at times. And as any Momma would, I would bare their pain or struggle in an instant so they would not have to face it. Morgan is here to teach all of us. She has taught me so much about patience, the power of prayers, humility & unconditional love. She is the sweetest & strongest little girl I know. I just wish (well, I'm sure we all wish) her little body didn't have to go through so much.
Now that I've said all that, maybe I can get some sleep.