I'm just not sure about how I've really been feeling lately. My emotions are everywhere. When I think about it, I guess it really has been a bit of a crazy year and I think it's finally caught up with me.
A pregnancy...much easier than Noah's, but still sick until about 20 weeks.
Morgan's surprise surgery, recovery & rehab.
All of us being apart from Isaac for almost 3 months this summer, except for one weekend. And Isaac coming home about 2 and 1/2 weeks before our baby.
The c-section, recovery & new baby who is also colicky & has reflux.
Sam being sick for over 2 months. Not sleeping & on a nebulizer. Although he is much better now, he's still not allowed to be out & about in closed spaces with lots of people.
Morgan having more seizures again. Trying to get her back & adjusted on a medication.
Noah is so cute, but he is getting such a mouth. Lots of time outs for this little man. And boy does he like to find pens & scribble all over my couches with them.
Isaac having issues with work & having to go out & work again.
Issues with insurance. Not only will an individual policy obviously not cover Morgan but me as well.
Losing a really close family friend & grieving. And watching his family grieve & suffer his loss.
Having baby blues & trying to make myself get out and exercise.
HATING my body after 3 babies.
Too tired and have no time to beautify & make myself a better person.
Being along with all 3 kids while Isaac is out working again.
Halloween was a nightmare. There are no pictures from this night. Morgan cried & had tantrums through the 1st 30 minutes...then we had about 20 minutes of everyone being happy...then Noah freaks out screaming & kicking & doesn't want to trick or treat & he doesn't want to leave.
And let me tell you how sick I am of trying to get my children to eat right now. After making dinner & listening to the baby scream the entire time I'm doing so, having them not eat. Urgh!!!! And having to threaten every bite with going to their room & the final threat of going to bed right then. I so followed through with that threat last night.
And I am so tired of feeling all alone. I feel like I harass my neighbors & family here. Asking them for help...which I am so not good at. I have most definitely gotten better at it this year.
I really can't do too much with Sam still & I'm scared to have Noah go & play places because of getting sick & bringing it home. Morgan going to public school with lots of germs. Oh, how gross it is to see her push on her actual wheels on her chair & then touch her face & lick her hand. YUCK!
I'm done, I need a vacation. I'm exhausted. I'm emotionally drained. I miss my family who live on the east coast. And miss my best friend who works & then is trying to figure out what he's going to do with his career while he's at home. Boys are so not good at talking on the phone.
And my dang baby won't take a bottle.
Did I forget anything?
Oh yeah, all I want to do is crawl under my covers, watch T.V., try & sleep maybe & eat everything in sight. This will so help me with the issues I'm having with my body.
And debt. Bills, bills, & more bills.
And always wishing that your daughter could talk & understand more & run & play with the other kids.
....and the year isn't over yet.